I Found Myself
by PetiteCafe
Summary: Bit of reuniondrabblefluff, really. 10Rose. Songfic to Suddenly, by Leann Rimes.


_A/N: I'm still playing around with how I like the format on songfics. Feedback is appreciated. I started this one with just a fleeting mental image of Rose bumblingly piloting a spaceship up to the TARDIS.  
_

_Song: "Suddenly", Leann Rimes. Lyrics are in bold.  
_

**Disclaimer: I don't own characters or trademarks of Doctor Who.**

* * *

****

**_It's Independence Day, I'm free_**

Two years today.

**_And it's a strange place to be_**

She still wasn't used to it.

**_I'm gonna break these chains_**

**_Unleash the changes in me_**

Two years to the day since he'd faded before her eyes on that beach. Two years since she'd told him she loved him, and heard her name from his lips.

The grief had hollowed her out, made her a shell. But now there was something to fill her up.

**_I see an endless road_**

**_I feel the restless wind_**

He wouldn't have wanted her to lie back and take it. She had enough distance now to see that. There was a way - there was _always_ a way. It just had to be found. No matter how long it took.

**_I've lost the fear inside_**

**_Cause I've got no choice_**

**_But to live or die_**

Anything was better than this living death.

**_Suddenly you're in this fight alone_**

**_Steppin' out into the great unknown_**

Work filled her. Research. Maps of the galaxy. Physics and super-string theories. Maps of the universe. No matter where she had to go, she'd find a way to get there. Knowing where to go was the hard part.

"Doctor, what do you think this - "

She stopped. That was the peril of working alone for so long. She talked to herself. She lost herself in memory of when they had worked together, side by side, on a similar problem that seemed insurmountable. Sometimes she talked to him, as if he was still there. As if he could still hear her and help her.

**_And the night's the hardest time_**

**_When the doubts run through your mind_**

She told herself that he was there helping her. Somewhere, on the other side of the mirror, he was there, working as feverishly as she was to find a way back. It was the only defense she had against the doubts that began, slowly, to eat her alive.

**_Cause suddenly you find yourself alone_**

She collapsed into bed, exhausted after another day at the Institute. No time for food. No energy for a shower, or to peel off her dirty clothes. Was this the first or second day she'd worn them? She couldn't remember.

She lay there, acutely aware that she probably smelled horrible - _Nah, I bet something's gone over in the icebox. Nothing to worry about. It's not me._

She ran a hand over her tummy, a little flatter since she'd begun throwing herself into the project. She was losing weight. When she looked in the mirror, there were dark circles under her eyes.

**_Suddenly you find yourself_**

**_In an empty room_**

**_With a suitcase on the floor_**

**_It'll be daylight soon_**

Rose put her palms on the small of her back and stretched, lengthening her spine and releasing the tension that had built up as she hunched over a variety of computer consoles. Her briefcase was open and there were papers spilled all over the floor. She glanced at the clock. 3:30 a.m.

For a moment she thought of throwing in the towel for the night. A stack of maps awaited her attention. _I could do it tomorrow_, she thought. _Some sleep...I'll come at this with a fresh mind...everything will still be here tomorrow. But...what if the answer's on the next piece of paper?_

One more day was too long, dammit. Too long.

**_I'm gonna wage my private war_**

5:00. Quitting time. Rose slammed her briefcase shut, and raced out of her office, ignoring calls from various co-workers to wait. Time for food. Just time enough to eat, and by then, everyone would be gone and she'd have the place to herself.

**_Who's watchin' over me_**

**_Must be a guardian angel_**

"Doctor," she whispered. Her hand lingered on one of the survey reports they'd received two weeks ago. The survey that might be the beginning of her way home.

"Doctor," she breathed again, pressing the paper to her heart. There was no answer - there never was. But maybe...just maybe...

**_I just need time to breathe_**

**_And give my life the best of me_**

It would be harder now. Working with the hope. And now she had to find a way to get there.

**_Suddenly you're in this fight alone_**

Who could she trust? Who could help her do what needed to be done?

**_Steppin' out into the great unknown_**

_I don't even know how to fly a spaceship! And how about the issue of _getting_ one in the first place??_

**_And the night's the hardest time_**

**_When the doubts run through your mind_**

_I'm crazy. This whole thing is crazy. I can't find him. What made me think I could?_

Someone knocked at the door, and Rose jumped, dropping the paper. "Yes?" she called out.

Pete Tyler opened the door. "Rose..." His eyes took in the scattering of papers, the computer consoles all running physics equations. Finally he met his not-quite-daughter's eyes. "Oh, sweetie."

**_Cause suddenly you find yourself alone_**

**_You find yourself alone_**

_**Suddenly you find yourself** _

"Daddy..." Rose's shoulders slumped. The piece of paper she'd received from the labs, after pulling in a very, very large favor, drifted to the floor, falling from her limp hand.

"Rose..." Pete stepped into the room, and closed the door behind him. "I thought you might be doing something like this..."

"Will you help me?"

He sighed. "You know I will."

**_Suddenly you're in this fight_**

**_Steppin' out_**

"Hurry Rose! We don't have much time!"

The red alarm over the door was already blinking and beeping as Pete wedged it closed with a chair. "That's the best I can do," he panted, winded from their dash deep into the bowels of the Torchwood building.

"How far underground are we? And how did you say I'm going to get out of here?" Rose ran alongside him, clutching a small duffel bag.

Pete didn't look back or pause. "I'll open the door for you. You're going to learn how to fly this thing real quick, if you want to get out of here in one piece..."

"You said it was all auto-pilot!"

**_And then suddenly you're in this fight alone_**

They skidded to a stop in front of the little saucer-shaped craft. "Cor," Rose muttered, "looks like a bloody UFO."

"That'd be the idea." Pete pressed a series of indentations on the side of the craft, and a door opened, just barely big enough for Rose to squeeze through.

**_Steppin' out into the great unknown_**

"I can't do this," she said flatly. "You'll go to jail. I can't let you do this..."

"Too late, love," he told her bluntly. "Just by being in here I'll probably go to jail. But you let me worry about that. Your mum will sort it out, if nothing else. She could talk the devil into setting himself on fire."

Rose threw herself into Pete's arms. "Thank you, Daddy."

He held her for a moment, then shoved her towards the saucer. "Go, Rose!"

**_And the night's the hardest time_**

Rose could already hear shouts as the tiny door closed and she scrunched herself into the seat. The controls looked simple enough - a few buttons, and a contraption that looked like a combination steering wheel and joystick.

Pete was at the giant garage door, punching his security code in. Apparently they were still one step ahead, because the computer still recognized it. The garage door opened, revealing a long concrete tunnel headed up at a steep incline.

**_When the doubts run through your mind_**

"AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!"

No one was there to hear her as she punched what looked like the appropriate buttons, and the ship rocketed forward. Just in time, she got the thing properly angled and heading up the tunnel.

The ride out of the atmosphere was rocky at best, as Rose gradually got a feel for the controls, and had a very frightening moment when it looked like she was going to crash right into a plane. Luckily, some anti-collision auto feature had kicked in, and the ship had neatly swooped around the aircraft. She wondered what the pilot had thought.

She rooted in her duffel bag, finding the sheets she'd printed out with the appropriate coordinates, and punched them into the computer. Simple enough, right?

_Time to destination coordinates, 26 hours 14 minutes 3 seconds._

"Right then," she muttered, and began fishing in the duffel bag for a snack.

**_Suddenly you find yourself _**

**_Alone_**

The ship halted next to the rift, and Rose peered out the front windshield. "There it is," she told herself. "See you soon, Doctor."

Pete's jury-rigged device was parked on the front of the ship, its squat bulk incongruous with the otherwise sleek hull.

She pressed the button, and waited for an hour, just to be safe. Theoretically, the device would orient the rip in time to her quantum signature, obtained by pulling in that very, very big favor. The quantum signature of her own universe.

**_Steppin' out into the great unknown_**

Rose checked the readings coming out of the rift. The ship had rocked with energy waves as she'd initiated the process, but the rift had stabilized. And its readings...were perfectly matched to her own signature. Down to the last decimal point.

She gritted her teeth. "Let's go."

It was very bumpy and very bright.

And then she was through.

Shakily, Rose unbuckled the seat belt, and checked the instruments again. As they stabilized, she checked the signatures of the very space around her, the tiny particles of matter that floated in the empty air.

Matches. All matches.

"_I'M HOME!!!!" _she screamed.

**_And the night's the hardest time_**

It was there. Waiting for her. She didn't stop to think, didn't stop to wonder what the TARDIS was doing there, right there, right where she'd needed it to be.

Her little ship came up next to the TARDIS as it floated in space. Her hands sweated and slid on the wheel as she carefully piloted it next to the police box.

**_When the doubts run through your mind_**

The TARDIS wasn't moving. Wouldn't it be, if he knew she was there? Wouldn't he be helping her, coming to meet her?

**_Cause suddenly you find yourself alone_**

She swam through the short distance of space. Grabbed the TARDIS. Fumbled in her suit's leg pocket for the key she'd never lost. Jammed it into the lock. Opened the door.

**_You find yourself alone_**

The control room was empty. Her heart sank.

"Doctor?" she whispered.

_And this time there was an answer. A brown blur behind her. A soft voice._

"Rose."

**_Suddenly I found myself..._**


End file.
